We put forward our best on social media. We can take 100 pictures to find the perfect one (yes, that one hides my loose chin skin – winner). I can be who I want to be in my social media profile. I both love it and hate it. I love that I can put forth the image of the person I’m striving to be on a more regular basis. I hate it because its not a reflection of the real me. Mainly just the pieces I want to remember and how I want others to see me too.
However, I’m attempting to be real here and talk about the ups and the downs. I’ve already put out more pictures and videos than I’m comfortable with and totally self-conscious about. And yesterday I was officially riding the struggle bus and I’m feeling the after effects.
While I’ve chronicled some of my past struggles, I have not paused to discuss any current struggles. You don’t lose weight and all the past issues just go away. Far from it. My relationship with food is still a daily and sometimes minute by minute struggle. However, my Stronger U Nutrition (http://strongeru.com/) family keeps me sane these days.
Here’s the truth. And here’s me yesterday having a BALL at Ball State University with my youngest, Jake, on Mom’s Day at the Sigma Chi house. Played beer pong (with water) and ate. And ate. And ate.
Me and Jake.
Even though I had my plan, packed my food. It started easy and I thought, of course I’ll eat with everyone else. I’ll just have a little of this and a little of that – the healthy/healthier things.
I’m guessing a lot of you know how this goes.
OH MY GOSH. Homemade oatmeal creme pies. I’ll have a bite. Oh geez, that’s a chocolate dipped strawberry – so healthy! I must eat it. Seriously, I can’t believe we won that beer pong game. A few chips and hot buffalo dip to celebrate. Oh man, I didn’t see this 7-layer bar. The coconut and walnuts are healthier than those other things, I’ll have a bite. Hell, I did The Open18.1 workout Friday night – surely that’s worth these calories, right…I’ll just finish that oatmeal creme pie.
Ummmmm. No. And no. NO. No. Just, so many nos.
We can justify anything if we want to. And, thank goodness, its a voice I don’t hear too often anymore, but at the same time – she’s always there. Always ready to fight. We fight regularly.
The difference between now and then? She doesn’t win very often any more.
I’m always ready for the fight now. I have goals.
But some times she does win, like yesterday. And it stings. I internalize it, blame myself and feel like $#!t. The scale went in the wrong direction this morning. But now I understand and see the long-game. I know now that every dang day is a new day to get it right. And if I have more days that get me closer to my goals, I’ll get there. Heck, I have to see every minute as a new time to steer back to the course of my goals. So, this morning, I’m sipping on my coffee, looking at my plan for today and reminding myself of how far I’ve come, that this is a long-haul mindset and how easy it is to get right back up on the horse (yes, you heard me right – easy). It doesn’t feel that way, and society in general doesn’t do us any favors, but sometimes we just make it hard.
I also try VERY hard these days to not say “I ate so bad yesterday.” Or that I ate “bad food.” Lets be honest…you got a little excited when I said Homemade Oatmeal Creme Pie, didn’t you? And let me tell you, it wasn’t bad. It was so incredibly delicious. And I enjoyed it. There is no such thing as bad food. The bad only comes in from the way we treat food. We can treat food in nourishing or destructive ways. The chemicals in our body and our brains don’t help us. But its all in the way we think about it that is destructive. Food keeps us ALIVE for crying-out-loud. It is part of the essence and joy of life.
So today I’m moving on. Yesterday is what it was and I know that I can pick two paths to go down today. One is toward my goal of losing 100+ pounds and doing a pull up by the end of the year. The other path is one I’ve traveled for decades and I have no desire to go down again.
No one but me gets to choose.
Peace out, struggle bus.
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